We are asleep in the light.

Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don't you care, don't you care
Are you gonna let them drown

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

"Oh bless me Lord, bless me Lord"
You know it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in

Oh, can't you see it's such a sin?

Cause He brings people to your door,
And you turn them away
As you smile and say,
"God bless you, be at peace"

And all heaven just weeps

Cause Jesus came to your door
You've left him out on the streets

Open up, open up!
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

God's calling and you're the one
But like Jonah you run
He's told you to speak
But you keep holding it in

Oh can't you see it's such a sin?

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight

Cause it's asleep in the light

How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed?

Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on, get out of your bed

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

Don't close your eyes
Don't pretend the job's done

Come away, come away, come away with Me my love

Come away, from this mess, come away with Me, my love.


These are some of the most powerful lyrics I have ever heard. Maybe the most powerful. I can't even describe to you how much this song means to me. I heard it for the first time, only two days ago. And I think it's changed my life.

Every single verse is just... brutally powerful. In their own way, every verse makes me choke up, for different reasons.

We are asleep in the light. The light is overpowering, brutal, harsh, beautiful. And we just lie there, asleep.

I just keep listening to this song over and over and thinking... why do I keep holding it in? Why do I always hold it in? Why do I just lie back? Why am I so dead? Why do I close my eyes... Why do I pretend the job's done?

I AM ASLEEP IN THE LIGHT.

Jesus rose from the dead... and I can't even get out of bed.

Just close your eyes... and listen to this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik-XOVZcwow

I need you.

Listing my problems to you, nonexistent reader, would hardly be enjoyable to read.

But there is a list. Oh, what a list.

I don't want this to be another rant post. I have too many of those. But that's all I want to do right now. Rant. Cuz guess what?!

Life is rough.

Really, it is.

Mine isn't even that rough, and I still find time to complain about it.

Why is it that I can write a blog post in ten minutes, while I stare at my computer screen for hours without writing a single sentence of my paper, which is due on Monday? Along with my unfinished Spanish test, that I have yet to even study for?

These "problems" are nothing, nothing, compared to the rest of my predicaments. But you don't want to hear them. Eh, don't worry about it. I wouldn't want to hear someone complain about their issues either. It's terribly banal.

But I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't know. This is the toughest stuff I've ever had to go through. Right now.

Someone once told me that I was both the happiest and saddest person they had ever met. I was surprised by the accuracy of their statement. Yes... I'm happy. I'm so happy sometimes that people tend to scoot away from me when my happiness overflows. But I'm also sad. So, so very sad. It's too hard for me sometimes. All the suffering. It's too hard.

Even when I'm not the one suffering.

Lord. Please. Please help me. I need You. I need You more than ever. I. Need. You.

2011

I haven't written in a while.

I started several posts over the past few weeks that I was planning on finishing and never did.

So here it is. My post.

So what has happened since I wrote last?

Well, Christmas. I was gonna have this lovely, Christmasy post but it never happened.

I got lots of fun stuff, like the poofy chair I'm sitting in right now.

Then New Years. We didn't go anywhere. It's been a long time since we didn't do anything for New Years... I mean, we counted down to midnight and toasted and everything, but we didn't exactly party it up. Hah.

I stole my dad's ipod and I've been uploading and listening to lots of music.

We had our first R&J rehearsal. We read through the script, and Ms. Ashley is... amazing. Hah.

I had my first boasting session on R&J. Dentist assistant: How was rehearsal? Your mom was telling me about it? Me: Oh, it went really well, it was a lot of fun. Assistant: What are you doing? Me: Romeo and Juliet. Assistant: Oh really? Who are you in it? Me: Juliet. Assistant: *gasp* Are you really? And you're in...? Me: Tenth grade. Assistant: Wow. Me: XD

I might just take that out afterwards. Waaaaay too snotty.

I thought I was gonna have to get a root canal, and it turns out I probably don't. (HALLELUJIAH.)

I got my first D of the year. As you can imagine, quite a few tears were shed, but I got over it. But I'm resolved now of certain things about that class, which I won't mention here, but I'll tell you if you ask me.

My best friend, Kayleen Kelly, turned fifteen. I forgot to call her :(

I ate six boxes of hot tamales.

I texted a good deal with Ben Loeb, who I've now successfully hung out with in real life, so it's all good.

I jammed. A lot.

I got pink-eye (or maybe some viral version of that) and stayed home from the first day back to school. Although I missed a lot, and I would've liked to see my friends... I couldn't help feeling a bit smug that I slept in four hours later than everyone else :D

I've been reading the devotional my dad got me for Christmas, and it's unbelievable. Really. I love it so much.

I became even further obsessed with Adam Young (Owl City). The tipping point was when he quoted The Emporer's New Groove on his twitter. I was in awe. Infatuated. Smitten.

I created a twitter so I could stalk Adam Young. He was born January 28th 1986. ... Don't judge me.

Dude! This is awesome! My lips are stuck together because they're super dry... does that make sense?

Anyway.

I started re-reading my favorite book of all time, The Goose Girl. Unforunately, that is put on hold, because I am now reading another one of my favorite books of all time. But this one is for school. Pride & Prejudice baby :D So. Ridiculously. Good.

I got to catch up with two of my favorite girls ever, Maddie and Lindsay Anne. Maddie's technical name is actually "Maggie", but we don't call her that.

I caught my clothes on fire for the first time ever. Pretty epic.

I became undoubtedly obsessed with Mahjong Titans, that game on your computer? Yeah. Crab, 168 seconds. Beat that.

I remembered a lot of things. I also forgot a lot of things.

I made life-changing decisions. I resolved myself.

And now, I'm looking forward. Looking forward to what 2011 might bring. And I am so psyched.

Romeo and Juliet

Romeo, save me, I've been feelin so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think...
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said
Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say yes.


Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Granite Classical Tutorials is doing Romeo and Juliet as its school play. Guess what role I am taking on?

Juliet Capulet.

It's a long story. But I got time.

Tuesday the 7th of December, around midnight, I discovered the juicy news that Granite was going to be putting on The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare. I was immediately filled with excitement, and already started reading the script.

The next weekend was full of rehearsing. We had received monologues and cuttings that we were to practice and then preform in auditions, which were taking place on December the 15th. Being me, I was sure to memorize every monologue and cutting with any characters that I was auditioning for. On Tuesday, all I did was compile my timeline and memorize everything I could cram into my mind. By the time the next Wednesday rolled around, I was psyched and ready to roll.

But things weren't as simple as all that. They rarely are. Little had I known that that Tuesday had been filled with more anxiety and distress that I could've possibly crammed into my little body.

Our director had resigned from her position two days before auditions.

Yep.

So, Mrs. Burns, the best director this world has ever known, scrambled to find someone, anyone who would be willing to direct Taming for us.

We got someone better than just anyone. We got Ms. Ashley; the professional Shakespearian actress whom we all love and adore. She agreed to direct the show on Tuesday night, but on one condition; that we switch the show to Romeo and Juliet instead.

This, of course, did not come to my knowledge until Wednesday night, long after everything else happened which I am going to now tell you about :)

So anyway. Back to my perception of the story.

Wednesday morning, I got up, well-rested (kinda) and as prepared as I would ever be. I came into school, excited and eager, but hardly nervous. I had this in the bag, I thought. Plus, there wasn't any role that I wanted in particular, so I figured I'd just jump into auditions and let them place me where they may.

It was announced that Mrs. Burns was going to be having a short meeting before auditions began during lunch time. We all shuffled into the room and waited for Mrs. Burns to arrive, which she did; with Ms. Ashley.

We were all very excited to see her, and greeted her warmly. But then, Mrs. Burns told us all to lie down so we could begin one of our relaxation exercises. This was plausible, seeing as she probably would want us to calm down a bit before auditions. But then, Mrs. Burns turned on some music, and said, "Just listen."

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone, I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run...

Oh! We know this song!

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess, it's a love story baby just say yes...

By then, we were all singing along; we knew the drill. But a small spark had formed in my mind...

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel, this love is difficult, but it's real...

No... it can't be... people were starting to sit up with their mouths open...

Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess, it's a love story, baby just say yes...

Mrs. Burns: "Will you say yes to Romeo and Juliet?"

Girls: "YES!"

Boys: "No."

Hah :) That's pretty much how it went down. After that, the entire day was just a flurry of activity. We were given monologues to rehearse until our audition came along, and then we just had to wing it. Being me, I was terrified. I hadn't prepared for something like this. I was not ready. There was no way I was going to be able to speak, let alone act during this audition.

It was like I didn't even have time to think. All of a sudden, the pressure was on, and there was no way I was gonna get myself out of this.

But I went in and I did my best with that cold reading. It was intimidating, yes. I was shaking so hard I thought I'd drop my paper. I slurred my words, and I don't remember looking up more than twice. But when I sat down, I felt accomplished. I'd done it. Against all odds, I hadn't screwed everything up and had to run, weeping, out of the room.

That night was one of the best nights ever. I was staying the night at the Burns', so I left with Mrs. Burns and two extremely eager girls with me. Tia, Chloe and I were all rather anxious, but let me tell you; we were grinding Mrs. Burns into the ground, we wanted to know so badly.

We were driven to Barnes and Noble, where Mrs. Burns, Ms. Ashley, and Ms. Sillaman all discussed the cast list. We tried to snoop, but didn't get anything out of it. We read through the first two acts of R&J to pass the time.

Soon enough, Mrs. Burns had driven us home and still, we were desperate. So we made Mrs. Burns promise to send out the list that night. And she did.

Our reactions were priceless, of course. And recorded. I'm not looking forward to other people seeing that video, I'll admit. We were ecstatic. Absolutely lost in our excitement.

I was going to be playing Juliet Capulet. Chloe, my best friend, was also going to be playing Juliet Capulet (we're in different casts). Tia, another best friend, was going to be playing Lady Capulet. Everything was just so right. It's hard to describe.

Cast list is here:

Cast Capulet / Cast Montague
Escalus-Prince/Princess of Verona - Daniel Russel / BeccaValdes
Mercutio - Andy Paul / Eliana Anthony
Paris - Brandon Johnson / Adam Shackelford
Lord Montague - Noah Paul / Luke Link
Lady Montague - Michael Tucker / Katie Lacy
Romeo - Luke Link / Tom Belliveau
Benvolio - Nadine Kosten / Noah Paul
Abram - Rachel Bernatowicz / Claire Canner
Balthasar - David Link / Katrina Morton
Lord Capulet - Nathan Chai / Mike Ihde
Lady Capulet - Tia Fiori / Christine Cruz
Juliet - Chloe Burns / Grace Link
Tybalt - Tom Belliveau / Mariah Kuhn
Nurse - Amelia Anthony / Julie Johnson
Peter - Candace Abler / Alanna Baker
Friar Laurence - Mike Ihde / Nathan Chai
Friar John - Tyler Sanchez / Joshua Parke

The funny thing is, it didn't really even dawn on us then. It took an entire day for me and Chloe to realize... we were Juliet. How unbelievable. I stayed at the Burns' again on Thursday night, and Chloe and I just could not stop freaking out about it. It was like it had finally hit us. In such a a short expanse of time, we had auditioned for the most classic, beautiful, and well-known plays that Shakespeare had ever written... and we were in the freakin title.

Romeo and Juliet. Oh, you have no idea how many times I've re-read the play in just this week.

So that's my story. It goes on, of course. What with that Friday being the dance, and everyone just being so ecstatic there... and then the lock-in afterwards... and then pain. Lots of pain. I've been sore for days ;)

But oh, was it worth it.

Thank you... so much. I'm not even sure who I'm thanking... everyone who was involved in this experience, I guess. But mostly You, God. You willed this to happen. And something beautiful is going to come of it.

I love you, Lord.

Discontented? Never.

I just wrote an entire blog post, giving my case on something that isn't worth giving my case on. Actually, maybe it is. I haven't decided.

Essentially, it was about how some people I know really actually don't like me. I don't think I've ever known so many people who looked at me with utter dislike. And I was kinda just writing about how I don't care, but I do, but I don't. It was dumb. I won't post it.

I just complained a lot, about how some people don't like me, and how that effects me, and kinda also giving my case as to why I act the way I do, and why you might dislike me for that. Waste of time and space, so hopefully, you'll never see it.

But I realized something when I was writing it.

My family loves me.

My friends love me.

God loves me.

Why would I ever be discontented?

Weeks 10 & 11

Right, so I didn't write about week 10, which feels like years ago. That was the week of the Harry Potter premier, remember? And then after that week was Thanksgiving break, and then there was this past week, which was week 11 :)

Ohh weeks. They fly, don't they?

I got my new(ish) phone. I say new(ish), because it's the same phone, but new and not all destroyed and marred. Heh.

So I'm supposed to be writing my 1NC right now (yes, it is 10:43 on Sunday night, and yes, it is due tomorrow) but instead I'm writing this.

This week has been so, so stressful. I don't even really know why. Well, I do... but I don't know why it all hit right now.

There's been a lot of things on my heart recently. On my heart, my mind, my shoulders. I've been a crazy stress-monkey, and I've sent out lots of e-mails and I've talked to lots of people. Not lots. But one or two. Talking to people makes me cry sometimes. And when I cry, it's like everything in the world is hitting me at once, and I freak out and write dramatic blog posts about it.

But I'm better now. A little. I'll never be quite there until Christmas break starts... then, my heart will be content. For the moment, however, I'm a stress-monkey. And it keeps getting worse. Things keep adding on, I keep remembering, I keep doing more. It's really not all that fun, believe it or not ;)

But I'm gonna get on that paper, because I really do need to get those full 6 hours of sleep tonight. (Woopee.)

A few more things before I go; one, I love Caitlin Walsh and I miss her exceedingly. Two, I love being invited over the Lees' and partying in the barn on a whim. Three, I love love love Christmas: my fam and I got out the tree and started decorating it tonight, with Christmas music on and a fire in the fireplace. All that = contentedness. (but, as you can see, not quite.) Four, there are some things coming up this month that I absolutely cannot wait for. I can wait, but it'll be hard. I love Decembers. Five, texting friends are pretty great. Six, being cozy in your bed makes up for so much. Seven, when all of this stress/troubles/problems/messes/responsibilites/annoyances are lifted from my shoulders when Christmas break starts, I think I might just cry for an entire day from relief and pure happiness. Just thinking about that day gets me misty-eyed, I mislead you not. Oh, and eight? Reading Shakespeare puts me in my writing mood. And that makes me so, so happy.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas :)

It rained the first day of December.

Today was December 1st. It poured.

I'm hoping this isn't some sort of representation of what this Christmas season is going to turn out to be ;)

Things are looking up. Well, some things. Meeting with my class is always a blast, because I really do love them all a lot :). I got to hang out with Tia and Chloe today, which is always fun. I also got to be with Amelia and Julie, some of my favorite seniors EVER. And overall, it was just kinda nice.

I got my phone, thank goodness. I'm happy about that :)

Some things.... well. Some things still continue to frustrate me exceedingly. To the point of a headache. And angry eyes. But why dwell on the aspects of misery or misfortune? Let's just let this day go down in history as a good day; one filled with talking and laughter and smiles. Because those were the parts that I want to remember. The parts worth remembering.