Realizing.

I feel a need to write a blog entry. But I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to be writing about. It's 11:51 on a Thursday evening. I'm sitting in bed, typing on my laptop... realizing.

Realization can be wonderful or horrible, depending on the situation.

I prefer the wonderful kind. The kind where your eyes just suddenly open, and you've had this fantastic revelation. Where you can't keep from smiling and your eyes shine, because it's finally come to you. You've finally figured it out. It's true, it's real, it's wonderful.

Then there's the other kind. The kind where your heart seems to stop in your chest. When everything is suddenly turned upside down, and the world seems empty. When your breath appears ragged, your eyes are blinking too quickly, your hands feel unreal.

These two different kinds of realization may seem completely opposite; but really, they are actually almost the same. They both have the same overall effect; your perspective is changed. You are changed. Everything is different, now.

How are we supposed to respond to this? I don't even know.

I've realized several things this week. Month. Year.

I've realized that life is too short to waste it. It's not like you should start partying like a rock-star and live it up... Just don't waste it. It'll be gone before you know it. Right now, I feel like I have forever before I'm eighteen... before I'm twenty-one... before I'm thirty, for goodness sake. Next thing I know, I'll be in a wheel chair, wondering where the heck the time has gone. This scares me way more than it should. Why can't we just live on this earth, forever and ever? Hah.

I've realized life is a gift. It's beautiful. It's beyond words. Life is the greatest gift God has ever given us. Don't trash it. Don't throw it up for grabs. Don't toss it around like it's no big deal. Cause it's a big deal.

I've realized I don't have to be so scared. Why am I always so freakin scared? It seems like I fear everything times a thousand. I fear my vulnerability, my lack of power to do anything about my fears. But wait... I can do something about my fears. I can give them up to God. And He'll make them disappear. He'll crush them in His hand, He'll stomp them with His feet. He'll snap, and they'll be gone. What do I have to be scared of anyway? If God is for us... who could ever be against us?

I've realized my relationships should mean the world to me. And they most certainly do. The relationships I have are what define me. Especially my relationship with God. It is a relationship. A wonderful, beautiful relationship, and it certainly means the world to me... where would the world be without Him?

I've realized I don't have it so bad. Don't complain. Don't you dare complain. This is what I should be telling myself every moment of every day... because I hardly ever stop. Complain complain complain. And you know what? You don't have it so bad. You think your life is hard? Compare it to Job's. He has a faith in God that you probably haven't yet experienced... and yet He was stripped of everything he ever held dear. He was just a normal guy with a great faith. So trust me when I say. You. Don't. Have. It. So. Bad.

I've realized that prayer can save you. Prayer is more important than I've ever imagined... it's our direct communication device to God. It's the tool we use for our petitions and requests... our demands, our pleas... our praises and our thanks. It's what God will always, always always listen to. Where would we be without prayer?

I've realized God is greater than all the good things in the universe mashed together. He's pretty great, right?

I've realized that... no matter how... talented you are. How high you can sing. How many guys you can make fall in love with you. How much clothes you have. How high your IQ is. How witty your conversation. How beautiful you can be. How many friends you have. No matter what... it's your devotion that is counted as a gift.

You probably thought I was going to say, "No matter how stupid you are, God still loves you!" Well, that may be true... and that's kind of what I'm saying. But what I'm really trying to convey is this... You can be the prettiest, funniest, awesomest, craziest, lovliest, and most talanted person on the planet. But that all means nothing when it comes to God. Sure, God loves that you're awesome and talanted and funny and beautiful. But are you beautiful for God? Beauty to God is commitment to His name.

So that's what I've realized. I've definitely figured out many more things... not me myself, of course. Revelations always come from God. And its nice when He gives them to you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized... then maybe you can finally realize the truth of God's goodness. Can it even be comprehended? I don't think so. But we can try. We can always try.