Cry.

I've always tried my hardest not to cry.

My entire life, I prided myself in not crying. No matter what happened, I would not cry. My dad would say I was so tough, and so brave. And I guess that's why I did it; I wanted my daddy to think I was so brave.

Even when I cut my foot open, I still didn't cry. I shook a lot, and closed my eyes, thinking, This can't be happening... but I did not cry. Not until the next day at least. When it all hit. When I realized half my summer was gone, and I wouldn't be in the play, and my birthday was going to be spent in this stupid cast. Then I cried. But I think it was mostly because it hurt like nothing I've ever physically felt before... Oh, and then they tried to make it better with medicine, and the stuff they gave me did not agree with me... and then that was the worst I'd ever physically felt before. I literally was like, writhing in pain. Heh. They took me to the doctor's, and I threw up. And then I felt better. And I smiled at the doctors, and they all shook their heads.

This has been, by far, the hardest (and, ironically, best) year of my life. Maybe because the experience is so fresh in my mind... but I honestly can't think of a harder year.

And boy have I cried. I've cried over pretty much every project in school. I cried over the end of the play. I cried when we had to get rid of Percy. I cry almost every Sunday. I cried with my friends, whenever we really contemplated about life. I cry every time I even begin to understand the indescribable power and goodness of God.

And I'm going to cry, so very hard, when school is coming to an end. I won't be able to bear it. I think I'll honestly have to just go into a seperate room between classes and cry my eyes out. And I'm not even the one leaving.

I've probably cried more this year than I have like, ever.

This year has been so hard.

But then I realize... isn't that what I do? Hard things? Remember...
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." -1 Tim. 4:12.

Riiiight. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. Not feeling sorry for myself and crying all the time. See, I still have a thing about crying... I don't want people thinking I'm a wimp. I want to be brave. Isn't that what we all want? To be brave, smart, clever, strong... So it's like crying is this pity thing. But I don't cry to make other people feel sorry for me. It's not even that I feel sorry for myself; at least most of the time. I cry because sometimes, the emotion is too much to contain. It's like I need to get it out somewhere. And the best way to do that is with tears.

And really, I think it's good to cry, when that is your intention. Feeling sorry for yourself is not the way to be. But expressing emotion, about things that really matter... I think that's it. Crying about things that you actually hold dear to yourself. Crying about things that you truly care about. That is worth your time.

So cry. Even if everyone is watching. But cry in the good way; with good intention. With the passion and emotion you feel for something.

I mean, after all... "Jesus wept" too.