Paradise.

Summer is almost over. Wait, when did it start, again?

I remember the last day of school. All of us running about, smiles on our faces at the prospect of SUMMER. That glorious season where school is but a distant memory, and all there is is enjoyment. Luxuries galore.

School starts up again in exactly one month, two days. It seems ludacris to me, that school is starting up again. How is that even possible? How is it that when school ended, it was like it would never come back again? And yet, here it is. Inevitably.

I'll be a sophomore this year. That's just hard to even fathom. I remember being in fourth grade at Granite, and Mrs. Paul assuring me that she'd be my teacher again for 10th grade Omnibus. That was before things got hectic though. Mrs. Paul isn't going to be my 10th grade Omnibus teacher this year... but still. I'm going to be in 10th grade Omnibus this year.

I don't even know what I'm sure of any more.

I do know this. Time is moving faster and faster and faster. We count the seconds- they're the same old seconds. Nothing has changed. Time hasn't sped up, the earth isn't turning any faster than it ever has.

It's me that's moving. Faster. And faster. And faster.

Next thing I know, school will be in session. Next thing I know, I'll be weeping over some project that I simply can't complete. Next thing I know, I'll be liable to get my permit. Next thing I know, I'll be preforming in the school play. Next thing I know, I'll be sixteen. Then, I'll be a junior. Then a senior. Then I'll be graduating. Wait, graduating HIGH SCHOOL? Then I'll be in college... Then I'll be graduating college... then I'll be... old. Next thing I know.

Then I'll be dead.

It makes me so, so sad. Indescribably so. It's like I can't imagine anything better than this. I love life. So. So. Much. It's so beautiful. It's a rollercoaster, always moving up and down and getting faster and slower. It's wonderful. How can it get better than this?

Ohhh boy. It gets better. It gets much, much better than this.

Shouldn't that bring me joy?

Sure it does. But the prospect of growing old and dying... leaving this wonderful, beautiful earth... doesn't really appeal to me.

You know why?

I just don't understand.

There's your answer. I just don't understand. And I can't understand. This life is so incredible, I can't understand how heaven is going to be SO. MUCH. BETTER. I will be happy... but constantly so. I will be laughing, constantly. Enjoying, constantly. With my friends and family and everyone I've ever loved... constantly. But better than all those things combined... is that I'll be with Him. Constantly.

And still, it grieves me to leave this life. Why? Why when there's so much suffering and pain and toil, so much horror and deciet, so much brokeness... so many tears.

I just can't concieve the wonder of heaven. But when I get there, I'll know. I'll finally know what it's like to be in paradise.

But until I get there, I'm going to live my life the best possible way I can.

Heaven kind of puts things in perspective.

Man, this life is futile. I love it though.

Humans are weird.

Thanks, God.